Looking for Love Read online

  Chapter Fifteen

  The office was the only room in Ella’s house that didn’t boast bare walls and floors and piles of boxes. Her last appointment was due to arrive in half an hour.

  Pauline and Andrea sat on the client chairs drinking filtered coffee and eating breadsticks they’d brought over from the local bakery. They were in a surprisingly good mood considering the removal truck would arrive in a couple of hours.

  Ella didn’t feel quite the same. Her new-found freedom in choosing singlehood somehow hadn’t given her joy enough to sustain her through saying goodbye to her friends. Ross would also be here any minute to see her off. She’d sent him an email explaining about her relationship with her dad and her need for something new at work. He should understand, but what if he realised how much her move had initially been motivated by a need to get away from him? Now, she wanted to go for many other reasons.

  “So, you’ll send over my office stuff once you’ve closed everything off?” she asked Pauline.

  “Yes, well, we have to inform all the customers you’re closing business and I have to pack up your things. I’ll drive over with Carol sometime when she’s not so busy with month end at work and we’ll drop off your things so you don’t have to organise a removal van for a small amount.”

  “Thank you.” She blew Pauline a kiss. “You’re superstars. I hope you’re going to visit me like every second weekend.”

  “In the beginning, probably, and then it will all fizzle out and we’ll have to rely on emails and text messages,” Andrea said with a hint of sarcasm.

  “Hey, I’ll come to you sometimes.”

  “You won’t want to. Durban’s much more exciting than Richard’s Bay,” Andrea added.

  “So come live by me. Hey, that’s a good idea.”

  “You know it’s not possible when we all have solid jobs here.”

  “I’m sorry. Am I doing the wrong thing?”

  Andrea shrugged and mouthed something to Pauline who rolled her eyes. Ella didn’t have the energy to fight with them but did wish she knew what they were muttering amongst themselves.

  At that moment Ross walked in and the look Andrea gave him made her nearly gasp. What was that? Like he’d really upset them or something. Like he should have stopped her from leaving. Poor Ross had only found out about a week ago. She’d left it late as she couldn’t really face the goodbye but had to now.

  “Hi.” Ross appeared out of breath and his face was unusually pink. Had he just run a marathon here? “I see you’re all packed and ready to go.”

  His mouth formed a grim line and the flush disappeared to reveal the real state of his face. Dark lines under his eyes, more wrinkles than usual, days-old stubble. Oh, dear. She’d really upset him. Her legs shook with the sudden need to run out the room.

  But it was for the best she moved.

  Her body found the seat very fast and her head spun. Maybe breaking it off cleanly would have hurt less. No, of course not. Gripping onto the edge of her desk, she shuffled The Album around and stared at the book. For once, its magic couldn’t help someone. That person was Ross. Or could it help him? There must be someone for him. She’d leave it to Pauline. She could find him someone—a woman better than her. Ross would survive without her. He deserved better. She would be a useless partner. She’d always known she’d mess it up for life just like her mom did.

  “Hey, why’s everyone so glum? We’ll see each other again,” Ross said, a fake smile on his face.

  “Yes, we will. It’s not like I’m flying off to the UK. I’m just a couple of hours’ drive away.”

  “Where’s Carol,” he asked.

  Strange. What did it matter if Carol was here or not?

  “She’s coming later.”

  “Before the removal van gets here?” Pauline asked.

  “I hope so. I’ll wait for her. It’s not like I’m a piece of furniture and I’m going into the van. I’ll stay with Mom tonight.” Her friends sure acted strange. Suppose sadness did those things to people. She should have stayed back. Now, she’d made everyone miserable. All her fault.

  “Well, I can’t wait for her then,” Ross said, still standing over Andrea and Pauline, looking taller and more imposing than he usually did. “Here it is.”

  He handed her a flash drive, a scowl darkening his face further.

  “What’s that?”

  “Put it in your computer and open the slide show. Andrea, won’t you switch off the light? Wish there were curtains to darken the room more.”

  He spoke gruffly, a determined stiffness to his chin. Andrea nodded submissively and obeyed. Huh?

  Carol burst into the room just as Ella sat down and slotted the rectangular drive into her computer. “Sorry I’m late.”

  Ella narrowed her eyes at them. What’s going on?

  She opened the slide show and put it to full screen.

  The Album cover popped up—well, a very good graphic imitation of it. “Wow, that’s beautiful. Ross, did you organise this? You didn’t have to seeing the business is going on hold for a while until I settle in Durban.”

  “Just watch it.” Pauline sounded impatient.

  “Come look, then. I can see you’re all so curious of whatever this is.”

  She called them over to stand behind her and watch the screen. What had Ross been up to? And why did it seem so important at this particular moment?

  She waited and The Album opened with neat and fluid animation as though it were a cartoon movie. A hand brought a picture onto the page—her picture. Then another picture was placed on the opposite side. Ross. What?

  The animation was pretty accurate in portraying the vibration, the misty, coloured light in circles around the book and the pulling of the hands upon the page like a magnetic force. Then the movements stopped and The Album went onto the next page.

  She watched a supposed life of Ross and her together unfold and couldn’t help smiling at things. Ross had orchestrated this because only he would know what made them both happy. The wedding picture made her gasp—the dress looked almost exactly the same as she’d dreamed of having one day. They even had kids. The kids grew up and they matured together. The animations were perfect, like a good-quality children’s movie, yet the content way too mature for any kid, heck, even for her to handle. The last picture was of them walking hand in hand together as an elderly couple in a field.

  “You didn’t put the sound on,” Ross said with a smile. “You’ll have to watch it again.”

  Her hands surprisingly steady, seeing her knees were knocking together and her heart seemed to be beating against her throat, she pressed replay and turned up her volume.

  Ross’s special voice crackled through the computer. “When you dream of finding your true love, you always think it’s going to start off like a fairy tale. You meet, you have your first kiss, you fall in love, and then you get married. Well, sometimes, life throws a curveball. Sometimes, you wake up one day and realise that the woman you’ve been friends with for years is actually that person and you’ve never had that first kiss or dated or courted or anything, but now you want to spend your life with them because they satisfy you in every way. Well, if The Album could have brought us together, I’m sure it would have done a display like this or even better. How could the lady I hired as a graphic artist convey how deeply I feel for you, Ella? How many dreams I have for us? How sure I am that I’m going to be there for you no matter what. Even when we want to sink our teeth into one another or strip the others’ happiness away for a long, torturous moment to take revenge, although I can’t imagine ever wanting to do that to you. I want to make you happy, Ella. Forever. I want to be that man you dreamed about for years—that one to sweep you off your feet and romance you and make you feel on top of the world. I want to be the man who’ll promise to love you forever and ever.”

  A lump the size of Mars had formed in her throat. She tried to swallow, but it just increased. His presence behind her felt like a beacon in the room. The sweetne
ss of his words penetrated her soul and stole her breath. Hope bloomed—he wanted to romance her? He intended to promise to love her forever? Ross, the best man in the world saying those words to her in front of her best friends? He must mean it.

  “Now, I know you’re scared because it didn’t happen in the order or way you’d planned. I also was surprised, but in fact, it happened in the best way for us. We got to know and trust one another so well that now, we can open our hearts to this love without reserve. So, what do you say, Ella? Will you be my wife?”

  She blinked and refocused on the screen then glanced at Ross but couldn’t bear to look at him. Could he play it again? Had she heard that right?

  Her friends stared on with expectation on their faces and she knew she hadn’t imagined it.

  Ella turned to look at Ross, tears in her eyes. “You want to marry me?”

  He took hold of her hands and squeezed, sending the tears down her cheeks. “Yes, I’d love to.”

  From a love confession, to a couple of kisses, now a marriage proposal?

  His eyes brimmed with love, his hands oozed everything good that she’d felt from Ross’s touch over the years. Yes, she loved him. Yes, they trusted one another implicitly. But so sudden?

  “But you don’t even know if I love you.”

  He looked at her friends and smiled. “Well, they assured me you do, and the more I thought about it, the more obvious it became. Not out of arrogance, but Ella, I do believe you love me as much as I love you but you’re afraid. Something holds you back. So, I’m offering you everything. I’m not holding anything back. Do you know how hard it was for me to do this? I’ve been putting it off for days. Why do you think your friends are so annoyed with me? I left it to the last minute—” He gave them a sideways glance. “—after you’d packed all your boxes. I’m sorry. I didn’t think I could risk my heart one more time, but then I thought, if I can’t take the risk, how can I be the forever man you’ve longed for? So I did it. I came here with the slide show and presented it.”

  Ella looked at him and then at her friends. She had to think. She couldn’t be pressured into this with everyone watching, as much as she felt touched by Ross doing this for her, for expressing his love so sweetly. I mean, who had two such touching love confessions in one lifetime? She was a lucky girl.

  Yet…

  “I do think I love you, Ross. But I’m not ready to say yes. I have to think. I can’t have you all staring at me waiting for an answer. I have a removal van coming in less than two hours. Where are you going to live? Where am I going to live, then? How do I know for sure that I’m the one for you?”

  He stroked her hand, love in his eyes, love so gentle yet so strong that she had to look away.

  Her head spun. The emotions were too much. What if she couldn’t give him what he promised her? What if she failed like her mom and dad and broke his heart?

  “I don’t know if I can be that person,” she continued. “I need to find me. Need to let go my pursuit of finding this man and find my life. I’ve just let go the search only weeks ago and now this.” She pulled away, slumped on her seat, and buried her face in her hands.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” The failure dripped from her voice.

  The room seemed to fill up with her friends’ silence and her guilt, yet she couldn’t move, couldn’t look up, couldn’t even think. When eventually she did look up, they’d all left. Probably wise of them but heart-breaking. Had she hurt everyone? How involved had her friends been in the whole thing? How much had Ross paid for the slide show? It wasn’t Mickey Mouse. Had to have been designed by a professional.

  She clicked replay and watched it through again. Ross promised her forever. Maybe he could be a Mrs. Sarah Lemmer to her Frank heart. Maybe he could be that stabilising factor in her shifting soul because she knew she had her mom and dad in her. That meant she could be doomed for failure. But what if it wasn’t so much who you were but who you chose to be?

  It wasn’t so much who you matched up with, but who you became, how you acted, the decisions you made each and every day.

  Frank had chosen to break that pattern in his life and gone on the course. He’d changed. Become a better person. Jane had already been that person. She could make just about any relationship work. Yeah, sure, Ella had messed up so many relationships, even the potentially good one with Dirk, but couldn’t she have a second chance? Ross was willing to be that second chance. He’d seen all the mess-ups she’d made through the years—many of the broken relationships had been caused by her own stupidity, yet he still loved her. And she still loved him. She ached now to think of how he must be feeling. Where was he? In the other room? Driving down the road? Given up? Desperate? Hurting?

  Like she’d been ever since she’d decided to leave him. Because deep inside, the only thing pulling her to Durban was her dad. She’d dreaded leaving. Hated going away from Ross. But she’d thought it was the only way to save them from themselves. Save him from her and her bad genetics.

  She watched the slide show again. He believed in her. He believed she could make it last. Didn’t a marriage proposal mean the person believed in you as much as they did in their own love? He’d believed she loved him before she did. He’d risked all based on that fact.

  Gran was right. She couldn’t go on wafting through life, pushing away all her chances of love, hoping for perfection.

  Yeah, Ross and her relationship wasn’t perfect. It hadn’t started off all romantic and textbook. It had gone the long way round. But really, what did that matter in the end? The future is what mattered. The Album sure believed that.

  She ran her fingers over the beautiful book. Then she laughed. Hey, maybe it had brought her good luck, after all. Besides, didn’t Ross give his first love confession just after she’d gotten The Album? It had just taken her a long time to come round.

  She turned to the screen and played the slide show for the fourth time, tears running down her cheeks.

  “Yes,” she spoke to the screen. “Yes, Ross, I’ll marry you.”

  “You will?”

  She heard Pauline’s voice by the doorway. Andrea came in after that. Then Carol.

  “Hey, can I not have a moment of privacy?” She stuck her tongue out at them. “Where’s Ross?”

  “He left.”

  “Oh.” The air seeped out of her. “Well, I’d better go find him.” She stood up.

  “What about your removal van?” Pauline asked.

  “Please, will you cancel it?”

  “You’ll probably still have to pay for it,” Carol said.

  “So, I’ll pay for it.”

  “What if Ross doesn’t want you now?” Andrea said.

  She stared at them a moment. “Of course he will. He promised he’d love me no matter what, didn’t he?”

  They clapped their hands and cheered. She gave a huge grin, wiping the tears away. Now just to find the guy before he did something stupid in a temper. She knew what he could get like on the road when he was frustrated.